Frustration and Grief at the Borger Household

Tonight, our family (all 7 of us, including the 10 year old AND even the family dog) got together and watched an hour long video “On grief and keeping a soft-heart during the COVID crisis”. Yes, I said 1 hour, 60 minutes, 3,600 seconds of embracing our inner frustration and lament. Okay, I lied it wasn’t 60 minutes, it was 52 minutes, but we watched it and it was well worth the time. It’s not like we had any place to be.

This video reflection by Dr. Ruth Lawson-McConnell, a Christian therapist, was helpful for offering our family a place to wrap our hearts and minds around the loss that we have been feeling.

In her open and vulnerable presentation she helped me (and my family) to name and identify some of what I’ve been experiencing. Hey, I discovered that it is okay and even helpful to have a “tears playlist” and a “rocking’ playlist” and my favorite “sin and redemption playlist.” Who knew others had such playlists? As frustration builds, it has to be released, and there are only three places it can go: (1) change in our external circumstances, (2) internal adaptation or transformation, or (3) attack of others or ourselves. Tears, she said, are a key way of keeping ourselves soft and allowing us to go down the track of transformation rather than that of attack.

Throughout these past weeks I have experienced Lack of Predictability and Control, Loss of Safety, Immobilization, Loss of Connection (sometimes you just need human touch), Feelings of Helplessness and Lament, Loss of Time and Rhythms, and Loss of Sense of Purpose. If you’ve experienced any or some of the same things I have then perhaps it will be helpful to you to . It was helpful for my family and for me.

Here is the link. Before watching, you might want to download two helpful documents that she includes at the above link or you can get them here: Frustration-Aggression-Neufeld-model. and Pre-conditions for Trauma.]

Enjoy! And if you have a minute let me know how the video went for you and what, if any, was your take-away? I’m not sure what our dog got out of the video but the 10 year old was the first one to offer his ‘take-away’ which sparked a good conversation in our household.

Published by Padre Bryan

I am the Senior Pastor of St. Peter Lutheran Church and I look forward the mutual encouragement of the stories of faith and life that we share with each other! We are the stories we tell ourselves.

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